To Percy (PC), Love from Meg Abyte

Meg Abyte

Sorting through some of my papers, I came across a printed copy of an old email; it was to my youngest son, Brian, who’d left home to attend university. We used to address our emails as if it was our computers conversing with each other. This one, composed more than twenty years ago, was from my computer, Meg Abyte, to my son’s PC called Percy. You can see from the address, my computer only had 128 kilobytes of memory. Remembering how we used to communicate brought a smile to my face. I hope it brings a smile to yours too. At least it shows how technology has really advanced in the last twenty years.

Percy (PC)

 

Meg Abyte

128k Memory Lane

Deepest Ram

Computerland

31^st July 1994

Dear Percy,

I do hope all your peripheries are functioning well as I have a great favour to ask of you. I am, as you may well have guessed by now, very concerned about your user, especially in regard to his mental health. You know who I’m referring to … Brian? The one who christened you Percy? The one who rabbits on about Mediterranean Sea urchins, Wibble Wibble Wibble Harry, and going in for a super-duper, state of the art, word processing programme called ‘Word 6 for Windows’ with the fantastic spellchecker, when he never even bothers to use the spellchecker he’s already got. Isn’t there some way you can remind him to use it when he’s finished each letter or document? Have you thought of providing a visual prompt for him to solve this problem? Perhaps you could flash SPELL after each paragraph. Better still; invent your own kind of flashing to grab his attention!! On second thoughts Percy, you’d better give that a miss; he’s a wee bit lonely at the moment. It’s possible he may even turn his carnal attentions on to you. Enough said on that subject!!

Anyway, back to the favour I’m asking of you. Would it be possible to keep your eye on him? You know, warn us of any drastic change in his behaviour? It could be important for his mental well-being. I’ll leave it in your capable hands then Percy, and trust you will carry out your duty to the best of your ability.

I must congratulate you on the faithful way you have stuck by your user, Percy, and have followed his instructions so well. That last communication from you on his behalf was extremely entertaining, and my user and I thoroughly enjoyed the contact. I do hope my user is as satisfied with my efforts as yours obviously is. Of course, I am well outdated now, but still serviceable as long as my user doesn’t get too ambitious. It’s a good job she’s financially embarrassed, otherwise I might well be on the scrap heap by now. I aim to keep her that way.

Don’t let on … promise me? You know she keeps trying to write novels? Well, I keep sabotaging the files before I send the signal for the printer to print them. He he! You mustn’t ever tell her; if she finds out she’ll definitely get rid of me. My peripherals would be well and truly mangled. Ouch!

Well Percy, enough about me; my user keeps complaining she can’t get a word in edgeways, so I’ll shut up for at least twenty data bits and let her have her say.

Hello Brian, Mum here. God! What a job I’ve had trying to get Meg to let me use the keyboard. Anyway, I’m here now …