Ingredients For Lasting Love

The one thing in life we all look for is LOVE. Just think of all the songs written about it, like  the Beatles’ song ‘All You Need is Love’ or the thousands of other love songs played regularly all over the world.

Not many people find the lasting kind of love, but some do. My parents’  marriage lasted almost seventy-six years, and my dad still thought my mum was beautiful. He told her this almost every day. My own marriage is also a lengthy one. So far, my husband and I have notched up fifty-three years and we’re still counting.

Of course, it’s not the length of time you’ve been together that makes a happy marriage, but whether the feelings of love are still growing or gradually dying.

Many couples in long marriages hate the sight of each other, and those feelings multiply every time they disappoint each other. Feelings, couples have for each other, are never static; they are continually in flux being either reinforced or eroded. Love is constantly reinforced, growing with each positive interaction they experience together, but withering a little with each negative conflict of interest. A healthy, loving partnership is one where couples nurture each other, not continually find fault with their partner.

If our love is to grow we must know the difference between love and infatuation, and choose our partner wisely. Click the link below for more on choosing the right one.

Most of us will have experienced that heady excitement when we first start getting to know a potential partner. These feelings of euphoria are quite overwhelming to the point where infatuation, lust, and love all seem the same thing. They are not! While true love between couples must include all three of these elements, infatuation and lust can exist without love.

Many of you will jump in here and suggest there are many different types of love depending on the people involved, that love between partners can exist without a physical relationship. While I agree there are many reasons why couples in love cannot engage in the full physical act, they should still desire each other even when when incapacitated by illness, infirmity or age. While the desire is there, couples can usually find other ways to feel close.

RESPECT AND TRUST are also necessary for love to mature.  the dictionary explains that respect is admiring someone for their ideas, outlook, behaviour, or beliefs. Without respect, true love cannot grow, it will wither and die. This doesn’t mean having the same belief system as your partner, but it does mean you have to respect your differences. Imagine one partner constantly undermining the other for their beliefs or actions. Can love continue to blossom in this environment, or will it slowly fade with each humiliation?

Trust is also a necessary element. When it comes to your partner, you must trust them with your life. With them, your defences are down and you are at your most vulnerable. You must be confident that in any given situation your partner will have your best interests in mind. Often it will mean putting your needs first rather than their own. This is a two way deal meaning you must feel the same about them. If you don’t feel you can put your partner’s needs above your own, then you either don’t love them, or you don’t TRUST and RESPECT them.

Young people, when thinking of love, have a certain physical image or status in their minds of the person they will fall in love with. Maturity brings the realisation that the most perfectly formed, wealthy person isn’t necessarily the one you’d really want to spend your life with. Over time looks fade. What you are left with is the core of that person, their personality. Make sure their personality is one you can happily live with for a long time. Wealth provides a comfortable life style, but be warned, even those in the most secure of positions can lose their security. Do you really want to feel secure with a person you’ve grown to hate?

I wish you all the greatest happiness in life. With the right partner you can face anything. For your own well-being, choose wisely.

About caroleparkes

My husband calls me a butterfly because I flit from one hobby to another. Apart from being a wife for 52 years, a mother of three sons, and a grandmother, I'm also an author, genealogist, amateur artist, a lover of most needlecrafts, and occasional poet. Of the above, my most enduring interest has been writing and I hope to be doing it well into old age.
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  1. What Is Love? Formula for all Relationships says:

    Beautiful thoughts, well written!

    I also have a theory of love and have written a book.


    • caroleparkes says:

      I wouldn’t say mine is a theory, just an observation that feelings between couple are never static. Some days you may adore your partner, but adoration can quickly change to frustration or anger. When one set of feelings outweighs the other it can influence if your relationship will last. However, even then, the outcome can be changed if both parties are prepared to work at it.


  2. Sadah says:

    This is beautiful.


I'd love to hear your views.

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