Ingredients For Lasting Love
The one thing in life we all look for is LOVE. Just think of all the songs written about it, like the Beatles’s song ‘All You Need is Love’ or the thousands of other love songs played regularly all over the world.
Not many people find the lasting kind of love, but some do. My parents’ marriage lasted almost seventy-six years, and my dad still thought my mum was beautiful. He told her this almost every day. My own marriage is also a lengthy one. So far, my husband and I have notched up fifty-two years and are still counting.
Of course, it’s not the length of time you’ve been together that makes a happy marriage, but whether the feelings of love are still growing or gradually dying.
Many couples in long marriages hate the sight of each other, and those feelings multiply every time they disappoint each other. Feelings, couples have for each other, are never static; they are continually in flux, being either reinforced or eroded. Love is constantly reinforced, growing with each positive interaction they experience together, but withering a little with each negative conflict of interest. A healthy, loving partnership is one where couples nurture each other, not continually find fault with their partner.
If our love is to grow we must know the difference between love and infatuation, and choose our partner wisely.
Most of us will have experienced that heady excitement when we first start getting to know a potential partner. These feelings of euphoria are quite overwhelming to the point where infatuation, lust, and love all seem the same thing. They are not! While true love between couples must include all three of these elements, infatuation and lust can exist without love.
Many of you will jump in here and suggest there are many different types of love depending on the people involved, that love between partners can exist without a physical relationship. While I agree there are many reasons why couples in love cannot engage in the full physical act, they should still desire each other even when when incapacitated by illness, infirmity or age. While the desire is there, couples can usually find other ways to feel close.
Respect and trust are also necessary for love to mature. the dictionary explains that respect is admiring someone for their ideas, outlook, behaviour, or beliefs. Without respect, true love cannot grow, it will wither and die. This doesn’t mean having the same belief system as your partner, but it does mean you have to respect your differences. Imagine one partner constantly undermining the other for their beliefs or actions. Can love continue to blossom in this environment, or will it slowly fade with each humiliation?
Trust is also a necessary element. When it comes to your partner, you must trust them with your life. With them, your defences are down and you are at your most vulnerable.
Young people when thinking of love have a certain physical image or status in their minds of the person they will fall in love with. Maturity brings the realisation that the most perfectly formed, wealthy person isn’t necessarily the one you’d really want to spend your life with. Over time looks fade. What you are left with is the core of that person, their personality. Make sure their personality is one you can happily live with for a long time. Wealth provides a comfortable life style, but be warned, even those in the most secure of positions can lose their security. Do you really want to feel secure with a person you’ve grown to hate?
I wish you all the greatest happiness in life. With the right partner you can face anything. For your own well-being, choose wisely.